Football and Music: Songs for the Premier League and La Liga Kick-Off


A new season for the English Premier League and the Spanish La Liga will start today. Górski Park wants to celebrate this double opening by giving you the possibility to listen to a couple of songs, one for each league.

The song chosen for the Premier League is “The Referee’s Alphabet” by Birkenhead-originated rock band Half Man Half Biscuit. You can find a video with the music and, above all, the lyrics just below.

Regarding football, they have also sung “All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit” in honour of the homonym and prestigious Czech club.

The A is for my authority
Which many players seem to question,
Thinking they’re somehow going to make me change my mind
B is for babies
Which a lot of managers cry like
After a decision has not gone their way
C is for the continual criticism i recieve from the touchline
Get back in your technical area!
D is for the dunderheads
Who seem to think we have a conspiracy
Against their particular team
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
After I’ve booked the home teams player
And it’s obvious to everyone that he deserved it
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
And reckoned he should have had a throw in
H is for handball
Which has to be intentional and very rarely is
If only people would study the rules more
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
After they’ve just scythed down that tricky winger
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
And some of the narky blerts ive encountered
K is for the kissing of the badge
How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they’re at another club
L is for lip reading, at which you don’t need to be an expert
To see how odious some people are
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
Surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
Asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
An afternoon with your wife mate
The O is for offside
Which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
The P is for the penalty shootout
Great drama and no pressure on me
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
With some of the more fiery participants
I usually choose the word ‘pleat’
R is for running backwards
A difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
To a player whos just been awarded a free kick
Sorry i got all that wrong the S again
Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
By a player whos been awarded a free kick
He himself is more in danger of getting one for that
T is for the 21 man brawl
Whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I’d been instead
You never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
Some good bird noises there by the way
W is for walter pidgeon
Whos mr Griffiths in ‘how green was my valley’
I may have started to sound like during this song
‘where was the light i thought to see in your eye’
He says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
The X
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy potugese center half
Who i just dismissed
The Y is for Yate
The kind of town referees come from
And the Z
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizarreta, Zoff
Even Zondervan
But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
Without this zest for the game we wouldn’t become refs
And without refs, well zero
See also Zatopek, Zeus
And Zeal Monachorum
I have a caravan there
Static naturally
Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun


The song chosen for La Liga is “Odio Eterno al Fútbol Moderno” performed by Spanish group Frac (Fundación de Raperos Atípicos de Cádiz).

As the title clearly explains, this is a song which discloses “eternal hate for modern football”. In particular, it has been greeted as a homenage to the “pre-metrosexual era of football”.

It is particularly focused on football from the 1980s and 1990s. As the lyrics read, football has never been the same since then and, for instance, the top-flight division – Primera División – bears the name of a bank. Footballers have now turned into fashion models, whereas those epic hairy footballers have been lost.

The lyrics provided below are partial, as this is all I have found so far. However, they should give a juicy sample of the philosophy behind this song.

Y es que el fútbol ya no es lo que era
me acuerdo cuando el Burgos jugaba en Primera
la piña que le dió Jesús Gil a Caneda
y el descenso del Oviedo directamente a Tercera

Jugadores, equipos, camisetas y aficiones
árbitros como Rubinós que revientan los cojones
el infarto a Ramón Blanco por sentir los colores
Maradona en el Sevilla ya no tenía pulmones

Ya nadie se acuerda de Ureña y Momparlet
de Jordi Cruyff, Toño y también de Moisés
Morientes cuando tenía cara de yogurt
Munitis, Muñiz, Nadal, Popov y Pürk

Ese césped de Las Gaunas en plan patatal
un mediocre de Segunda era el Villarreal
el fichaje de Karembeau, al Madrid salió fatal
como la etapa de Yubero en la Real

Jugadores con carisma por favor es lo que quiero
carentes de tattoos y flequillos modernos
gran Roberto Baggio y su estilo noventero
coletita taleguera, calidad, olé es güeno (??)

Batistuta, Papin, Asprilla y Caniggia
la Gaviota Catanha y también Luis Milla
Higuíta medio loco se olvidó la pastilla
su colega el Loco Abreu el mejor de la liguilla

El fútbol desde entonces no es lo que era
ahora tiene nombre de un banco, la Primera
todos los jugadores también son modelos
se perdieron los peloteros to’ llenos de pelos

La cara de Seaman con el gol de Nayim
Carlos Sáinz de candidato a presidente del Madrid
Denilson, Alfonso, Cuéllar y Benjamín
Finidi con el gorro en el Villamarín

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